Malam mendekat, tetapi kita belum juga sampai di rumah dengan selamat. Sedikit cahaya yang tersisa pada waktu-waktu inilah yang bisa membimbing kita semua.

Pamit

It was the last day of a long, crazy summer. We were lying by our neighborhood pool that night - I was staring at the full moon with a cigarette on one hand, a can of beer on another, and a crushing weight on my chest. 

I wished the stillness had stayed. I wished he hadn't started The Talk.

"So you're really leaving, huh," he said.

"Dude, please, I'm not in the mood for The Talk right now," I said, a long pause and a sigh later.

The Talk. That's how we call deep one-on-ones that I dread as much as I love. At that very moment though, I really couldn't do it. I couldn't stand having flashbacks of our stupid days and reckless nights and our shallow ramblings and deep Talks and all those great stupid things in between that we've done together before the undead started to march on and rampage our cities.

"What?"

"I mean, I really don't want to exaggerate anything, you know. I just want things to just... flow, you know, like, just let them happen. Like, I don't wanna hear stupid cliches like the one that you really like, the one from that movie we saw on our double date, what was it, 'sometimes when people grow, they grow apart'? I mean, yeah, I'm fucking sad right now alright, so can we not talk about me leaving?"

"Whoa whoa, chill dude! Haha!" 

He laughed a long, loud laugh and somehow I can't keep myself from belting out a loud laugh too. 

"That double date was a fucking horrible idea!"

"Your idea, not mine,"

He then sat up and put a really serious face and looked me straight into my eyes. 

"Hey. I am sad. But listen man, it's not a big deal. I might get drafted soon as well. Whatever happens, I'm gonna leave soon. Who wants to be caught dead in this fucking town anyway? But I'm still gonna be around. You are too. You and I know that. And don't you ever again doubt me about that."

It's like the gravity of the moon pulled the weight off my chest.

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Double personality is so 2000. Mobil jemputan warna hijau telor asin Brebes yang hobinya kebut-kebutan di Kalimalang sambil menggeber Joy Division. Kretek, kopi, dan gorengan bersama Derrida di taman kota. Es krim rasa tape dan gulali rasa nangka. Situationist International. Risoles isi daging rusa asap. Lingkar samsara Sisifus. Tanda seru. Selamatkan seni dan desain dari diri mereka sendiri. Petir. Piknik antar peradaban. Fluxus yang tersumbat, gerak yang terhambat. Kembang api. Interupsi. Negasi. Saya percaya pada kekuatan dialog dan pendidikan menengah, inisiasi remaja menuju masyarakat. Narasi besar telah runtuh. Mari nyanyikan epik kita sendiri. Seorang teman berkata, yang bisa menggambarkan saya adalah sebuah wadah yang ke dalamnya terus menerus dilemparkan apa saja oleh siapa saja. Semoga wadah itu tak ada dasarnya, tak akan penuh ataupun tumpah isinya. Semoga wadah itu tetap ada, terus membendung keriuhan di dalamnya. Semoga keriuhan itu tak mereda, dan semoga semua manusia tak berhenti bertanya.

Aidil Akbar Latief
@idlelatief